Trying Not To Blow It
by KirstyeeM
Summary: Sequel to So Much Time. Everyones back from tour, Engagement, Moving in's, New artist.
1. Toronto Here We Are Homecoming

Heyyyy! Long time no see. So I finally have the sequel to So Much Time. The first chapter is short, and I don't think it's that good, but I have been really busy with coursework again the past couple of weeks, so kind of rushed things to get this up. Hope you like it anyway.

I don't own nothing from Instant Star.

* * *

Homecoming/Toronto Here Are

She was sitting cross legged on the front lounge area of the tour bus, flicking her pen back and forth along the two open pages of her Journal. Looking around the bus, looking at Kwest and Sadie on the other side, just holding eachother, Patsy and Jamie talking to eachother on the bunk beds and finally, the one person she could tell anything to and wouldn't judge her on anything she'd done, Mason Fox, sitting on his bunk bed fixing the strings on his guitar.

Everything changed the past couple of months, everything. For the better though, she's had the two months to think clearly without many distractions, no complications, she was free from everyone and everything, Tommy, Jamie, and Speed at the moment, they hadn't talked much over the tour.

She came back stronger now, she was ready to fight for what she had and for whatever may be out there for her in the future, she wasn't going to let it pass and she certainly wasn't going to let it go this time.

She learnt to deal with the past and realised that she couldn't change what happened, so she give up and stopped trying to deny it and it can only make her stronger for the future, and they say everything happens for a reason, and hers was to grow up and make it happen for herself, and she was going to.

The tour was fun, she wasn't as sad to say goodbye to it, but she wasn't that excited to come home either, she didn't have a home anymore, no place in the house to belong since no one was there. Maybe she'd get a place of her own when she got back and finished the album, and anyway, basically everyone she called family, and felt like her family where right here with her, except him.

Tommy Quincy, god, she couldn't even begin to explain how she felt about him, seeing him again. What was he going to say? Would things be different between them, she knew they were going to be different because they took that final step in their weird relationship, and they way crossed the line, and they couldn't go back. Was he going to be funny with her? Was he even going to be there when they got back? She had so many questions and no answers to answer herself, to convince herself that it was going to be fine, it was driving her nuts. She wedged the pen in-between the pages and closed the Journal.

She wasn't going to obsess over it, she'd have all the answers she's asking for in a couple of hours because the one thing she had the answer for, Toronto Here We Come.

The bus finally came to a stop a couple of hours later, they were home, she took a deep breath, watching the people around her glad they were home, to see there other friends and family, unlike last time no one would be here waiting for her to come off, so she wasn't that bothered and told Mason to say hi to his family for her and to call her when he got home.

"Jude"

"Yeah?" she answered and turned around to the sound of her sisters' voice, "I'm going to stay at Kwest's tonight, unless you want me home?"

"No it's fine Sade's." she smiled at her, "I can stay, it is the first night back and all."

"Sades go have fun." She persuaded Sadie, and when she left of the bus, she was the last one on. She gathered all her stuff and got off the bus, breathing in the cold Toronto air, it was eleven at night, and they were all standing outside of G Major, the bus dropped them off there. She looked around for the one car that would tell if she should go inside the building or not, but she couldn't find it, so she didn't go inside, and decided to just go home, but she didn't have a ride since Sadie was going with Kwest. She wasn't expecting to see him waiting for her when she come of the bus, but she thought he would have been at G Major but there was no sign of him.

"Hey Kwest." She shouted, watching Sadie and him walking towards his car, "Yeah?"

"Can you give me a ride home?" she asked smiling, "Yeah sure, get in." he replied, she didn't waste time because she was freezing, and she could feel her hands become numb

* * *

The ride home wasn't long, but was in silence, she opened the door and the three said there goodbyes, and Jude watched the car roll down the street until it went out of sight, leaving her alone in the cold dark. She turned around looking at the house she's lived in for nineteen years, filled with laughter, crying, friendships, memories, and now it just looked empty.

She sighed and walked up the steps, she left her bags in Kwest's car and she'd pick them up tomorrow because it just seemed easier, and plus she had everything she needed here. She looked on the wall to her right trying to find the lose brick, and she found it, taking it out and grabbing the spare key they always kept hidden there, she put the brick back. Opening the door and closing it behind her, the house looked the same, so normal, like nothing had changed the past couple of years, but the one thing missing, the people who made the house seem less cold.

She locked the door and climbed up the stairs to her bedroom, she opened her door and walked inside, she missed the comfort this room brought her when she needed to feel at home. She smiled at the photo's that surrounded her, pinned on the wall, framed on the side table, her with Sadie when they were little, her and her family, her sixteenth birthday, her and Speed, her and Jamie when they were little, her, Kat and Jamie after she won the Instant Star contest, and loads of her and Tommy. A lot of people were gone now, first Kat, her parents, and now Jamie.

She took her phone out, she bought a new one on tour, she was tempted to call Tommy, she knew his number of by heart, but decided against it and threw it with her jacket on the chair, and collapsed onto the bed falling asleep instantly. It'll be a fresh start tomorrow, a new day, and hopefully she'll see Tommy for the first time in two months, they haven't talked or seen eachother since they said their goodbyes, he called when he got home, but that was about it.

* * *

She woke up to the sound of her alarm clock on her phone; she'd forgot to turn it off last night. She woke up groggily looking around confused to where she was, you got used to waking up in a tour bus, but remembered yesterday and realised where she was, she looked at her phone, which read 9:30.

A dream she had last night came flashing through her head,

_She got of the tour bus and saw him waiting for her. She'd never been so happy to see him in her life. They hugged and kissed, they were alright, he drove her home and stayed with her._ And then she woke up.

She didn't have to go into G Major, it was Tuesday, and she didn't have to be in until Monday next week, but she wanted to go in and sort some things out with her album and see if Tommy was there. So she got up, changed her clothes she slept in went down stairs grabbed a drink and a pop tart and walked to G Major, her car was in the garage now but she wanted to walk, clear her head, figure out what she was going to say to Tommy if he was there, and she needed fresh air.

Around twenty to thirty minutes later she arrived outside of G Major looking around for his car, again, no sign of it. She jumped as someone whispered in her ear

"Couldn't stay away huh?"

* * *

Okay hoped you liked it, i'll start the second chapter and have it up asap

Keep reading, I was so happy people liked So Much Time.

Review

-Kirsty-x


	2. Congratulations & Stay

_Heyyy! thanks to who reviewed highly appreciate it. So this was kind of rushed, I wanted to get it up today because I've got a Welsh Exam now starting next week, so really need to study. _

_Hope you like it, I didn't know really what to write since it's kind of a filler chapter. I don't own anything from Instant Star. _

* * *

_Congratulations & Stay_

Couldn't stay away huh?

She turned around and instantly relaxed at the person in front of him, "Apparently neither could you." She answered him back

"What are you doing here Speed?"

"About to ask you the same question." They both laughed at eachother

"We have a couple of days of, and the first day we end back here." She stated.

"This is home." Speed stated back. "Yeah."

"Hey, you coming?" he asked a couple minutes later, extending his arm out to her, so they could walk in together. She nodded and grabbed hold of his hand, and they both walked into G Major talking about the tour.

As soon as she got through the doors she started looking around, remembering everything that's happened in here since she started out, it's been one hell of a ride. She was looking for Tommy as well, but again couldn't see him; people were running around getting to where they had to be.

Darius walked out and greeted "What're you two doing here? Didn't I give you time off?" he asked them "Yeah, I guess we just couldn't stay away that long." Jude answered for the both of them. "Well, while you are here, come in on this meeting. In five minutes." They nodded "Man, we got sucked into a meeting, jolly. Remind me why I come in here in the first place?" he asked her after Darius left, "because its home. Your words not mine" she smiled "Now come on, I wanna get something in Studio A before the meeting."

"Okay." He replied unenthusiastic. They both walked into Studio A, Jude went straight to the sound board and searched for a letter under it, where she thought it might be. She found out Tom had a tendency to leave things important under there, private things, so no one else could read whatever was under there. She was hoping the letter was there, and it was. "What's that?" Speed asked her wondering what the hell she was doing, "Nothing, just a letter."

She wasn't completely lying, it just wasn't a letter it was _the_ letter, and she wanted to see if he wrote anything on there for her, a message to let her know where he was or if he finished the song.

"Come on, were late for the meeting." She said, grabbing Speeds arm and dragging him out of Studio A "Do we have to go?" she just laughed at his child like whining.

They both walked into the meeting room, only a couple of minutes late, and Darius must have been in a good mood because he didn't even say anything when they walked in, and they both sat down in two of the only three chairs left.

The door opened again, but Jude didn't bother looking up, thinking it was no one she exactly knew "Glad you could make it T" Déja Vu.

Darius voice echoed over and over in her head 'T' that meant… she looked up and she was right, Tommy as here, walking over to her, the only seat left, god, why did she have to come in today?

* * *

She walked out of the meeting as quick as she could when it was finished, it wasn't anything really important, just about the tour and the sales and everything, but Jude just blanked everything out as soon as Tommy walked through that door, and entered into her life, for the third time. Again, she couldn't breathe when she saw him, but for a totally different reason, the anticipation of talking to him, what the hell was going on between them?

She could feel Tommy brush up against her then walk in front of her view into Studio A, she could feel the heat and was afraid of how deep she'd go until she got burned. She walked outside to the alleyway suddenly feeling very warm.

She stayed out in the alleyway for at least half an hour, she didn't know how long, but she was thinking about what she was going to say to him, so she wouldn't freak out and get everything she needed to say out. She turned around at the sound of the side alley door opening coming face to face she was thinking about. "Thought you'd be out here." And as soon as she heard him her plan went straight out the window, he was giving her the look, and she could feel his blue eyes gazing on her, she couldn't do this right now.

"I uh, got to go, pick up my stuff, so uh, bye." She nervously answered the invisible question, she turned away from him and started walking out of the alley to the road and heard Tommy's voice echo after her "Jude."

She stopped and turned around to look at him "Yeah?" she shouted back, trying not to look like she was leaving because he was there, which she technically was, "Welcome Back." She smiled and carried on walking, couldn't he have said that yesterday?

* * *

She made her way over to Kwest's, he only lived around ten minutes away from G Major, so it wasn't much of a walk, she wasn't planning on getting her stuff yet, but she knew Sadie would be here, and she needed to talk to her, so she might as well just get them now. When she got there the door was unlocked, so she walked in and everything was way to quiet, then she giggling from the kitchen

"Okay, things are so not PG 13 here" she whispered to herself so they wouldn't hear her, that'd be way too embarrassing.. She noticed her bags in the corner of the room, so just quickly grabbed them and quietly walked out closing the door behind her.

She was walking down the street five minutes after she left Kwest's house and she jumped at the car horn that just beeped at her, what the hell?

"Scare me to death why don't you?" she said turning around shocked to see the Blue Viper, "Are you following me now?" she voiced out, she didn't mean to say that. He didn't answer that question, "How'd you know I was here?"

"Phoned Sadie." Ah, so he does speak. "Thought you'd might need a ride instead of carry that." He said pointing to her bags.

"Don't need a ride; I'm okay, so uh, you can go now."

"C'mon Jude. Don't be like this." She didn't even bother retorting back, she gave in because to be honest, she would rather have a ride instead of carrying her bags all the way home, so she got in.

A Couple of minutes into the drive she knew they were going the wrong way. "Hey- this is not the way back."

"Yeah, I know, I want to take you somewhere." He answered back, not taking his eyes of off the road.

"That was not apart of the deal." He looked at her and smiled "There wasn't a deal."

* * *

Thirty minutes into the ride and they finally got to where Tommy wanted to take her, and she remembered everything instantly like it was yesterday, the first time he took her here four years ago. It was simply breathtaking. She didn't know what to say.

"You remember?" his voice broke her out of the memory, she got out of the car and looked at him "How could I forget?" she asked rhetorically watching him get out of his side, she could never forget that day, when she fell in love with him, which was stupid because she barely knew him back then, the place where he took her to rewrite 24 Hours.

"Why'd you bring me here?" she asked, him walking over and sitting down. He walked over following suite and sitting down next to her "To talk." She sighed, here we go. "There's nothing to talk about."

"Jude-"

"Stop." She interrupted "Stop saying my name like that." A couple of minutes of silence dragged passed "What did you want to talk about?" she knew what he wanted to talk about, and she couldn't stand the silence. "So, what happened between us before I left was it just because I was going to leave or something else?"

she sighed and turned herself around so she was facing him. "I'm not gonna lie and say it wasn't because you were leaving, but that's what made me make up my mind. You were leaving, we both didn't know what the hell was going to happen when I came back, I just wanted something we both could hold onto, I guess." She smiled lightly, and before Tommy had the chance to say anything back, she heard her phone ringing in her bag she left in the car, so she got up and ran to answer it in time, "Hello?" she asked, answering the phone, looking back over to where Tommy sat on the grass. "Hey, it's me"

Sadie.

"I came home to tell you some news, but you're not here, where are you?" she asked, Jude could tell she was worried by the tone in her voice. "Somewhere, anyway, what's the news?"

"Kwest just proposed."

"Oh. My. God. Are you serious?" she asked, excited for her sister "Yeah, just now." She could feel her sister smile through the phone "I'm so happy for you Sades."

"Thanks, I'm going to pack most of my stuff up today and take them over Kwest's, I'll pick up the rest tomorrow, it'll be official, living with him engaged." Jude could literally see her sisters beaming smile, like she was face to face with her, they knew eachother so well. "Well I got to go, I'll see you later?"

"Yeah, Sade's, see you later. Tell Kwest congratulations from me."

"Will do. Bye." And she heard the dial tone before she could say goodbye.

Jude was happy for her, but it just meant that it was final, she was living alone, and she couldn't stand it, yeah Sadie spent most of the time at Kwest's, but most of her clothes and stuff was at home, the presence of her was there, now everything would be gone. She walked back over to where Tommy was and sat back down in her spot. "What's happened?" he asked, immediately noticing the change in her demeanour "Sadie and Kwest…are engaged."

"And that's a bad thing?" he asked, noticing the unenthusiastic in he voice.

"No, no. It's not, I'm really happy for them."

"But?" he asked, looking straight at her seeing the flash of sadness shine in her eyes, then went just as fast as it come.

"She's at home packing her stuff right now, she's moving in with him, and I have to-"

"Live in the house on your own." He said finishing the sentence for her, he understood that, being in a place that was once full of people and then they're just gone, and you're suddenly on your own.

"I just don't think I'm ready for that." She sighed and ran her hands through her hair "I've lived with her for basically nineteen years, it's just going to be strange staying in the house without her there, you know?" she closed her eyes and breathed in the fresh air, breathing in Tommy scent at the same time, and she just felt safe, there with him. She could feel him staring at her; she opened her eyes and looked back at him, smiling "What?"

"How about you don't?" she looked at him confused,

"Stay with me."

* * *

Okie Dokie Thats done, i won't really be updating until at least 2 weeks, but i'll try whenever I can.

So, please review

-Kirsty x


	3. Yes

Heyyy!

I know it's been a while but so much has been going on lately, with my my Welsh Coursework & Mock Exams & Maths Exams & Blood Brothers trip yesterday. I got another Maths exam Wednesday so i'm updating today because I probably won't in the next couple of weeks again. So this is short, and I don't know if you'll like it but I like finished it half an hour ago, so bare with me. =]

I don't own anything from Instant Star.

* * *

"Stay with me." Her eyes went wide, absorbing his words, 'Stay with me.'

That meant… oh my god. "What?" she barely whispered out through shock, he was basically asking her to move in with him. "Move in with me." She literally was gob smacked and she couldn't comprehend anything that she was thinking at that very moment. "I-"she tried to speak, but nothing came out, she heard him sigh, and she could feel him looking at her, "Jude, don't take it the wrong way-"

"What way is there to take it?" she interrupted him, looking back at him "You just asked me to move in with you, kind of freaking out here."

"Why? Is it that scary?"

"Yeah."

"Moving in with someone? Or moving in with me?" he asked bitterness leaking out, "We were barely together, and that didn't even last long, I don't even know if were together now, you want to make it worse by moving in together? Way to take a huge step."

"Fine. Just forget I said anything."

"Fine." She agreed, regretting saying that, but what was he expecting? Her to say yes, they'd live happily ever after, please, like that ever happens, especially with them.

"Can you just take me home?" she asked after a couple of deathly silence minutes passed.

"Yeah," he replied with no emotion, she just felt like she crashed his precious car, did he really want her to move in with him? He got up and walked over to the car without waiting for her or giving her a hand to help her up, she sighed and got up herself following him and getting into the passengers seat, this was going to be the longest thirty minutes of her life.

* * *

The car came to a stop at the Harrison's' house, Jude was right, the ride was silent and awkward, no talking, no music, just the sound of the blowing wind and the other cars on the road. She stayed in the car, wanting to sort this out between them, she wanted to leave the car though because she couldn't stand the vibe radiating of him, but she couldn't get out either.

"Say something." She whispered out, just to break the silence

"What do you want me to say Jude?" she just looked down at the seat "Damn it Jude" he shouted while hitting the steering wheel, making her jump, she wasn't going to stay in here with him, not when he was like this, she was scared of him. She grabbed her bags and opened the door slamming it behind her. She knew he wouldn't go after he this time, she'd made him mad, she knew that. She saw the house door open revealing Sadie; she must have heard the car door slamming. "Hey, is something wrong?" Sadie asked, looking over at Tommy in the car, "Nope, everything is fine, why wouldn't it be?" she replied plastering a fake smile on her face so she wouldn't ask it, she knew Sadie could see through it, but hopefully she would just leave it. Luckily she did. "Anyway-" Jude started walking through the door not looking back to see Tommy drive away, "Congratulations. I guess celebrations are in order."

"I don't really have time. Gotta finish packing, how about tomorrow?" she asked "So you're really moving in with him tonight?"

"Yeah, you're okay with that aren't you?"

"Yeah" she replied, anything but okay with it, "It's not like anything will change Jude, I was basically staying over his already, minus have my closet."

"Well shout when you're going. I got to unpack." She said, dragging her bags upstairs to her room, she didn't really feel unpacking but, she gathered it'll be better than doing nothing and obsessing over what Tommy said.

* * *

Around an hour later she had finally finished putting everything away, collapsing on her bed she heard her phone ringing next to her, she answered not looking at the ID "Hello?"

"Harrison, you better have a no choice explanation for leaving me with Darius, because he dragged me into the finale of Instant Star this year than you." That was the least on her mind right now, the Instant Star Contest, god she didn't even know who was on there this year, being on tour she lost track of everything.

"Sorry Speed." She spoke into the phone, not really sorry that he got dragged into the show than her this year, but sorry she left him there "So what's the explanation?"

"I got lost?" she replied innocently, "Jude."

"Okay, okay, I went outside for some air, you know who followed me and I just bailed, forgive me?"

"Yeah I guess… But if Tanner wins, you're gonna co-write his first song, not me."

"Who's Tanner?"

"The one who's tipped to win, haven't you read the paper, or even turned on the radio, this dude has been all over it. I can already tell he's gonna be a pain in my ass." He replied not at all euphoric.

"Okay, well I owe you one Speed."

"The hell you do." He replied, she could feel the smile he was trying to hold.

"See ya later Speed."

"Yeah, later Harrison." She sighed and closed the phone; she closed her eyes thinking about Tommy, she didn't know what to do. She heard her phone ringing again.

"If it's you again Speed, I swear-"

"Hey" her breath caught in her throat, Tommy. She sighed into the phone, "So is this the part where we laugh about it later?" she asked, no reply "Can we talk?"

"Were talking." She replied knowing where he was heading "Face to face?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever."

"Look outside." She walked over to her bedroom window looking outside like he told her, and she saw him, leaning against his viper looking up at her, she closed the phone and moved away from the window.

She walked out of her room and down the stairs stopping at the door, taking a deep breath and opening it, watching Tommy make his way to her, "So you wanted to talk?" she asked when they were face to face, he nodded. She opened the door wider moving aside, inviting him in, "what about Sadie?"

"She's gone back to Kwest's, all finished packing." He noticed the slight alteration in her voice, "But hey, upside, house to myself." Silence. She decided to break it "I'm scared." He looked at her; she looked back at him and noticed his confused expression "I'm scared of us…"

"Why?"

"Because if we moved in together and it don't work out…" she looked away from him then back at him "I can't lose anyone else Tommy, I already feel like I'm losing Sadie." He got up and sat down by her, "You're not going to lose me Jude, never. Whatever happens, were always going to be in each others lives." She knew he meant it, by the look he was giving her, she made up her mind.

"Okay then, maybe we should."

"So you're saying…" he asked, making sure she was saying what he thought she was "we should move in together." She smiled watching his face light up when she said it, he really did love her, and it might just be good for them after all.

* * *

"So when do you wanna move in?"

"A couple of days or so, need to pack, god I just finished un-packing… This feels weird."

"What does?"

"Us. Moving in together, it just seems fast."

"It's been years." He stated what they both felt, they'd been in love with eachother for years, but couldn't do anything about it and now they are, in a period of a couple of months. Half an hour went by, Jude leaning into Tommy on the sofa, talking about the tour and what happened when Tommy went home. "So what are you gonna tell Sadie?" he asked, breaking the comfortable silence.

"I don't know what to tell her, the past couple of years, we've grown close, more than I ever thought me and Sadie could, it's just going to be weird not living together, not living in this house. I'm twenty and I never thought my life would be like this. But right now, there's nowhere else I'd rather be." She felt him take her hand and entwine it with his. She smiled, loving the feel of him, she was ready for this, ready for them, they were taking a huge risk, but it'd be a good one. What was she going to say to Sadie "I'm moving in with my-older than me producer-love of my life-which happens to be your ex-boyfriend-who you are now engaged to his best friend." That would be a mouthful. She'd think of something, tomorrow. Right now she had something else in mind.

She sat up and got of the sofa standing in front of him, pulling him up off the sofa, and leading him upstairs to her room, and shutting the door behind them.

* * *

So okay, tell me what you think.

I won't be updating for a couple of weeks, but if I have time i'll try and get on here. =] Oh and, I am trying to make the chapters longer, but right now i'm just doing what I can.

Please Review.

-Kirst.x


	4. Caught

Heyyy, it's been a while. Sorry I haven't updated, I had mocks before the holidays, then school was really boring for the last week, but I couldn't update or even write another chapter because i've been ill, I even was sick & had a temperature, which is new for me. Then it was my birthday, finally 16! Doesn't feel any different. Then it was Christmas.

How was everyones Christmas? Mine was really good this year, my cousins baby is the most funny little person in the world, he makes me laugh.

So nothing much really to say, kind of rushed this chapter, since I haven't updated for a while, hope you like it and I don't own any of the characters or Instant Star.

w00t! thats done, so enjoy.

* * *

She awoke the next morning and felt his arms around her; she turned around in her bed and saw him looking at her "Hey."

"Hey" he whispered back, moving a piece of her hair out of her face, she closed her eyes at his touch, it was nice being this close to him, it was different this time, no one leaving, no hesitation, it was just them. He drew her closer to him; she rested her head on his chest murmuring "What time is it?"

"Half eight." He whispered into her hair

"When have you got to be in?" she asked, not wanting this morning to pass.

"Ten." She sighed breathing him in.

"Hmm, do you have to?"

"Yeah, kind of have to if were gonna start on your album soon, if I am still your producer?" she nodded "I'll have to talk to Darius again, that'll be fun-"she replied sarcastically "But it'll be worth it."

"When're you back in the studio?" he asked, knowing that before the tour, and the way she felt, she wasn't going to work with him then.

"Two more days, it's gonna be weird being at the studio all day and not coming home here. I'll tell Sadie today, since no one is gonna be living here she'll have to phone are alleged dad up so he can sell the house."

"Are you scared? About moving in with me I mean." He asked, she moved onto her side, looking up at him resting her head on her arm. "About us being together, no. Leaving this house, everything I've known, definitely. But it's a good scared, like when I entered the Instant Star contest, or when we kissed, everything's gonna change, but I like this change." She finished smiling at him.

"Me too." He whispered leaning down capturing her lips with his.

* * *

Sadie woke up feeling guilty she never spent time with Jude yesterday, she could have spared an hour or two to celebrate with her, so why didn't she?

She was going to make it up to her, now, she was going to take her out for breakfast and promise to celebrate with her after work.

Half an hour later and it was quarter past 8, Sadie left her new home and drove to her old one, knocking on the door, not receiving an answer.

She knocked again, no answer still, so she grabbed her keys from her bag, opening the door.

"Jude?" she called out, walking up the stairs, knocking on Jude's door, not waiting for an answer she opened the door, thinking her sister would be sleeping, but her jaw literally dropped at what she saw, her little sister in bed with Tom Quincy.

"God, what the hell Sadie?" Jude questioned, turning her head hearing someone walk in, "Ever heard of knocking?"

"I did knock." she was still shocked "Jude…We need to talk… now…" Sadie basically demanded "I'll wait outside." As soon as the door shut Tommy looked at Jude "You okay?"

"Yeah, but there goes telling her myself huh? She stated nervously.

"You want me to stay?"

"No, it's fine." He gave her a condescending look saying 'Yeah, I heard that before.'

"Honestly. If you're here when I talk to her, she might just kill you." She finished playing with his hair "And we both don't want that."

They both heard Sadie cough rather loudly outside, god she was impatient.

"We should get dressed." She heard him say, she was still looking at the door.

* * *

Jude walked out of the bathroom, both of them dressed "So, I'll see you later?" he asked her "Maybe" she replied with a smile, he walked over to her tracing his finger down her jaw "Hmm" she sighed in contentment, he leaned kissing her lightly on the lip before whispering in her ear "Bye."

"Bye." She whispered back, as he walked out of the room, walking past Sadie in the process.

As soon as he was gone Sadie stomped into Jude's room "Jude, what the hell do you think you're doing?" she hissed

"I think I'm twenty, and know what I'm doing"

"What so the first instant he shows up, you sleep with him?"

"No actually, it was half a day-"she replied mockingly

"Jude!" Sadie yelled, "This is no time for sarcasm."

"Oh. My. God. Sadie, you are not mom, I'm freaking twenty. Twenty. You got that? In charge of my own life, you can't tell me what to do anymore Sades, you're my big sister, yes, and I know you're trying to protect me, I have to make my own mistakes, I've made mistakes, but Tommy and I aren't one of them." She finished

"It's not the first time, is it?" Jude shook her head answering her "No, before he left on tour."

Sadie sighed, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell, I'm not mad, I'm shocked. I just wished you told me."

"I wanted to Sades, I did, but it was surreal, he left so fast it didn't seem real, I thought maybe if I kept it to myself, no one could say different to what I felt, what I knew, you know? It was just mine and his."

"Yeah, I get that. That's why I kept Kwest a secret from you."

"I'm in love with him Sades, more than I thought I could, I tried to get away from him, forget him, but my feelings have never gone away."

"I know how you feel." She replied back. Jude decided to tell her now, get everything in the open, now or never.

"He asked me to move in with him…I said yes."

"Don't you feel you're going fast?"

"Yes, maybe we are but when were in the studio were basically with eachother all day, and you've moved in with Kwest, I'm on my own here Sade's, it's not a nice feeling."

"I guess I should call dad, so he can sell the house?" Jude nodded.

"So when are you moving in with him?"

"I guess a day or two, nothings stopping me now I told you, except I got to tell Speed. Definitely before I'm back in the studio though, or I never will get around to it."

"I guess were all grown up."

"Never thought the day would come." She replied smiling, "No one left standing."

"No one left standing." Sadie repeated, "Always here when you need me."

"Same here."

"How about we go for breakfast, to celebrate?"

"Sure." Jude replied hugging her sister, god they really have grown up, never when she was younger did she think she would be able to talk to Sadie like this, but here they were.

"Cone on, we better go before I start crying."

* * *

It was half 10 and Sadie already left on her way to G Major after her breakfast with Jude. She didn't have the time off like the rest of them did, but she had no complaints, Kwest was there with her in work, so he didn't want to be at home and without him. She arrived at G Major half an hour late, and saw Tommy in the reception area, she guessed waiting for her.

"Sadie-"

"She told me." She replied cutting him off straight away "and I'm okay with it, but if you hurt her again, I swear to god Tom I'll make sure she never even hears your voice again." He heard the bitterness in her voice and with Sadie walked behind her desk and sat down "Anything else?" she replied in false sweetness. He walked off not saying anything.

Tom walked into Studio A slamming the door behind him, making Kwest jump in the process "Sorry" he mumbled slouching in his chair at the soundboard.

Why did they always think he was going to mess up? Okay, they had good reasons to think that way but for once he wanted a chance to prove to all of them he wasn't the man he used to be, since he met Jude, he didn't want to be that guy..

"Whoa, man, what's got you fired up?"

"Your soon-to-be Mrs. Oh congratulations by the way."

"So you know?" Kwest said, turning around to look at Tom. "Yeah, I was there when Sadie called Jude."

"So what's she done?"

"Just warning me not to hurt Jude, again." Kwest looked at him questionably "Okay, out of the loop here."

"Jude and I kind of… got together before I left the tour and yesterday…"

"Got together, together?" he nodded "You slept with her?" he whispered, not knowing why. Tom just nodded again "Sadie caught us asmorning."

"Tom, man, I thought you had more sense, what do you think Darius will do if he finds out?"

"He's not gonna find out…" he warned "until me and Jude decide to tell him."

"Go on, say your warnings…"

"Just be careful T, I don't think that girl can handle anymore rejection or pain, neither can you."

"Oh my god, I knew it!" Tom and Kwest both turned at the voice they both new.

* * *

Okies, thats all for now. I'll try to update soon. I had a dream and decided to try to type it out, i'm going to post it up as a one-shot.

So please review.

I'll try to update soon, hope you're all still reading this.

Anyways,

-Kirst.


	5. What The Hell Did I Do?

Hey, okay I really don't like this chapter, but I thought I'd upload it anyway.

I don't own anything from Instant Star.

* * *

**Chapter Five- What The Hell Did I Do?**

"I knew it!" Tom and Kwest both turned at the voice they both new. Tom relaxed when he saw Mason in the doorway, he already caught them together once, at least it wasn't Speed, or Darius.

"Don't worry, I kind of already knew."

"I guessed, since you don't look shocked." Tommy said "So what're you doing here?" Kwest asked Mason "Looking for Jude, she's not answering her phone, thought she might be here, I guess not." He turned around looking outside the studio and saw Jude coming through the doors of G Major, stopping at the receptionist's desk, he gathered to talk to Sadie. "Never mind."

Tommy got up and saw her as well, "So Lover boy, what're you gonna do next?"

* * *

After the breakfast with Sadie, Jude walked around the park that was across the street from the little café. She needed to breathe, think, one down, two to go, Mason basically already new, Speed knew about her and Tommy before, but she never knew he knew about them breaking up before he left, or that they slept together, but she had to tell him about she moving in and she had to talk to Tommy about Darius. What the hell was she going to say to Speed though? Argh. She couldn't just come out with 'Hey remember on tour after I basically broke you heart? Yeah, well I slept with Tommy before he left, and again when we came back. Oh and I almost forget I'm moving in with him by the way.' Yeah, that would go down really well. She didn't want to hurt him than she already had, but was there a way to tell him without hurting him? She knew he disliked Tommy from the beginning, but got along with him for her and the rest of the bands sake, but she didn't know if he would anymore. There's only so much a twenty-one year old could take. But she decided to tell him now, today, rip the band-aid off and incase he 'overhears' from Sadie, the one thing Sadie could not do unless it was really important, was keeping her mouth shut. She walked for awhile and stopped when she saw G Major coming into view and took a deep breath for courage, or an excuse to stop, she didn't know, but carried on walking anyway to G Major and through the doors. She stopped at Sadie's desk to see if everything was okay and to see if Speed had come in today, since they were supposed to have time off and all. "Yeah, he's in; don't know where he is though."

"Thanks Sades." She replied turning around seeing Mason and Tommy heading over to them.

"Hey" she stopped and looked at the two of them "Harrison." They both replied back, then turned to eachother, people needed to get a new name to call her, way too many people called her Harrison, and it's weird she only just figured that out. "Have you seen Speed around?"

"Yeah, he's in Studio C, wanted some quiet, working on some stuff." She heard Kwest's voice shout out so she could hear him; she didn't even see him in there. "Thanks." She looked at Tommy, "See ya later."

* * *

She made her way to Studio C, stopping outside the door, hearing Speeds acoustic being played and then his voice, she stopped to listen.

_I'm not gonna fight it_

_Cause I've had enough_

_And I'm tired of it_

_Pushing our luck_

_Together we stand_

_But single we fall_

_Cause nothings left_

_But this emotional war_

_X-_

_And we've been through alot_

_You and I_

_But we've been down that road before_

_It's a shame they never told us that_

_And there's no turning back now_

_I've fallen hard_

_X-_

_And I can't get back to before_

_Before you, there used to be_

_Nothing but me- Nothing…_

And then his voice stopped, and so did the acoustic, she took this chance to knock on the door, hoping he didn't know she was outside it until then.

She heard some shuffling around and then the door creaking open slightly, watching Speed's face peaking through "Hey, can I come in?"

"Yeah, sure." He replied, opening the door wider for her to walk through and wondering why her tone was so serious.

"What're working on?" she asked, noticing the strewn papers and paper balls where he had missed the bin, even though she knew what he was working on.

"Just something, it's nothing actually." He said, picking up his acoustic ready to put it back in its case but Jude grabbed his arm to stop him. "Play it."

"Jude, honestly, it's not even good, not even finished yet." She just shook her head "Play it." She repeated. He gave in and sat back down on the chair and positioned the acoustic strumming the chords, playing the familiar tune.

_I'm not gonna fight it_

_Cause I've had enough_

_And I'm tired of it_

_Pushing our luck_

_Together we stand_

_But single we fall_

_Cause nothings left_

_But this emotional war_

_X-_

_And we've been through alot_

_You and I_

_But we've been down that road before_

_It's a shame they never told us that_

_And there's no turning back now_

_I've fallen hard_

_X-_

_And I can't get back to before_

_Before you, there used to be_

_Nothing but me- Nothing…_

X-

And then he went into the chorus, this she hadn't heard.

_I'm gonna change it_

_Gonna make it real_

_Cause I'm not ready to leave_

_This fantasy_

_The rains coming down_

_And please let me drown_

_Wipe the troubles away_

_And make it all seem alright_

_Cause now I feel the way_

_It does when_

_The rain comes down, _

_On Friday._

She knew she hurt him when she told him she chose Tommy over him, but she never thought he felt like this, and now she was gonna hurt him all over again. God, she wished she didn't have to do it now, when everything was better, but it was happening and she needed to tell him now, she couldn't just move in with Tommy and not tell him.

"Speed-"she managed to get out but her voice cracking a bit, "I know, it needs a lot of work." He said, looking down to the floor than back up to her face, noticing her eyes were going bloodshot. "No it doesn't- it's absolutely amazing. All the years, I've never heard anything like that from you." She paused taking a deep breath "There's something I need to talk to you about."

She took another deep breath, feeling claustrophobic, Studio C, the smallest of the studio's felt like the air had been sucked out of it, she started fiddling with her fingernails, feeling Speeds hand close over hers, she looked up "Stop, you're worrying me." Hands still on hers she tried to tell him "I- I…" she sighed, why was she so nervous? It wasn't the end of the world, she tried again, 'Okay, you can do this' she told her herself "I'm moving in with Tommy."

He shook his head, like he didn't hear, he let go of her hand "Wait, w-what?"

"I'm moving in with Tommy." She answered a bit more confident than last time, "You're moving in with Lil' Tommy Q?" she nodded, knowing he didn't really need any answer, he wasn't asking. "How-When? I thought you two were done before he left on tour, he said you two were done."

"We were. There's something else-"she watched him get out of the chair pacing back and forth the small room. "We- Uh, we slept together before he left." He stopped in his tracks.

"Please don't say you're pregnant." She narrowed her eyes "What- no."

"Speed- look at me."

"I can't." she could hear his voice breaking, "I'm sorry Speed- we need to talk."

"I can't deal with this now" he said, walking to the door, but paused finally looking at her "The song, was about you." He finished walking out the door, letting it close behind him.

"I know." She whispered after the door closed, letting the tears fall.

He left his stuff here, god he must really not want to be around her right now, probably even hating her because he would never leave anything behind. She ran opening the door "Speed!" she semi-shouted watching him walk away without even looking back or stopping at her voice. She saw Mason and Tommy looking at her but she didn't register them at the moment, all she kept seeing was the conversation running through her head on repeat.

She couldn't stand it, so she ran out of view, out of G Major, hearing Tommy's voice calling her, she knew he was going after her but she didn't stop until she hit the cold Toronto air, and leaned against a wall.

She felt Tommy slide up against her on the wall, "Jude?" nothing, she felt numb again, panic setting in, she couldn't lose Speed,

She could not lose him. The one person who was always there for her, she needed him, but she didn't know if Speed needed her anymore.

"Jude? Talk to me." she vaguely heard Tommy's voice again, "I can't- I just can't right now." She finally answered him, lifting herself of off the wall.

"I'm going home." He just watched her walking away, knowing she didn't want to be followed, and fight with him if he did.

* * *

Jude walked home, letting the cold sink into her skin to fell something; she opened the house door and walked in, going straight up to her bedroom and lying on the bed, trying to ignore everything and shut everything out, even her thoughts. She couldn't block them out, she kept thinking about last night, her and Tommy, things were so simple a couple of hours ago, now she could have possible ruined the best friendship she had since Jamie. She didn't intentionally hurt him, she couldn't help the way she felt about Tommy, she couldn't help the way he felt about her, and she got that he was hurt and didn't want to look or talk to her right now, she would be like that, but was he always going to be like this? She slowly fell asleep welcoming the half-state awareness before falling asleep fully. It was only like 12 O'clock, but she was tired, not getting much sleep last night and having to deal with Sadie and Speed in a matter of hours, she felt drained per usual.

* * *

She awoke hearing the doorbell ringing; she sat up groggily "What the hell?" she mumbled to herself, looking at the time it read 4pm, those four hours went fast, she heard the doorbell ringing again. "Okay, okay." She mumbled, not fully awake, talk about patience.

She slowly walked out of her room and down the stairs and opening the door, surprised at who she saw standing there head to the ground, then looking back at her, "Can I come in?"

* * *

Okay, so tell me what you think. I thought I should tell you, I'm going to take a break from this fanfic, i'm have a Twilight one going, and concentrating on that one right now while I have ideas. I've kind of ran out of ideas for this one, but if any of you have any, email me. =]

So review please. =]

Thanks,

-Kirsty.


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